Pranksters come out of the woodwork on April 1, and Rob Ivy (view his Valley News archive) is no exception. The perennially smiling author of the Essex Column opted to jump the gun rather than miss the opportunity to trick Essex, NY residents and visitors for April Fool’s Day.
I’m especially fond of Dr. C. Horridus, the fictional chair of SUNY Plattsburgh’s [most likely also fictional] herpetology department!
Did you miss it?
2013 Timber Rattlesnake Population Increase
Last summer’s mild weather greatly increased the local white-footed gopher population, which is the favorite food of Essex’s timber rattlesnakes. The chairman of Plattsburgh State’s herpetology department, Dr. C. Horridus, is predicting an explosion of rattlers this year. Although they don’t appear until the weather warms up, be on the lookout for these poisonous natives. And remember that even the small juveniles can give a lethal bite.(Essex Column)
White-footed gopher? Hmmm… I suspect it’s one of the lesser know Adirondack species. Less familiar than the Albany gophers who might in fact be partly responsible for another critical news update from Rob Ivy.
Rob Ivy Announces Town of Essex Dissolution
Efforts in Albany to dissolve the Town of Essex are bearing fruit. Governor Cuomo’s initiative to consolidate towns and school districts will eliminate places like Essex and Westport with declining populations and few prospects for future growth. In an unusual and lucrative arrangement, the hamlet was sold off and will become part of Chittenden County, Vermont. The hamlet will be renamed and as part of Vermont will be referred to as a village. Names under consideration are Charlotte West and Deanstown (in honor of former governor Howard Dean). Hamlet residents will be given a year to get green license plates and register to vote in one of Vermont’s 16 political parties. As new Vermonters, hamlet residents will enjoy much lower in-state tuition at UVM and a reduced sales tax rate, although to demonstrate allegiance to their new state, they will be required to learn the state song. Whallonsburg will become the seat of government for the rest of Essex, the northern half of Westport and the outlying sections of Lewis and Willsboro. (Essex Column)
Thank you, Rob Ivy, for leavening the weekly Essex Column. April fools!
- Essex-Charlotte Ferry: Early Spring Schedule (www.essexonlakechamplain.com)
- Summer Restaurant to Open at Essex Shipyard (www.essexonlakechamplain.com)
- Farm Store Essex Update (www.essexonlakechamplain.com)
- The Dower House (www.essexonlakechamplain.com)
- Former Essex Baptist Church & Masonic Lodge (www.essexonlakechamplain.com)
- St. Joseph’s Catholic Church (www.essexonlakechamplain.com)
Dolores Provost says
I know Mr. Ivy personally and he is not nearly as horrible looking as that god-awful drawing of him. Yes, he’s rotund and bald and has an extremely large rear end, but give the guy a break. Mr. Ivy does have feelings, and he’s a vengeful bastard- a new drawing emphasizing his resemblance to Cary Grant might prevent trouble down the road. Just tellin’ ya.
G.G. Davis, Jr. says
Thanks for your comment, Ms. Provost. Sorry about the god-awful drawing. It was a quick doodle, and you’re right that I’ve shortchanged Mr. Ivy his inimitable resemblance to Cary Grant. I assure you, this was an act of omission, not an act of commission.
I hope that my doodle has not hurt Mr. Ivy’s feelings. I too have the good fortune of knowing Mr. Ivy personally, and I would describe only his sense of humor as rotund. In fact, one is hard pressed to imagine Mr. Ivy without a great chuckling grin, so the stony look of this doodle was intended as a lighthearted cartoon; a serious look at an often laughing man seemed fun for an April Fool’s post. And given his clever April Fool’s “Essex Column” I figured he would be amused by our April Fool’s cartoon… Perhaps not?
In short, Ms. Provost, I will contact Mr. Ivy posthaste to ask if I’ve inadvertently hurt his feelings. If so (and perhaps even if not) I’ll attempt another doodle, this time endeavoring to illustrate his uncanny resemblance to Cary Grant. Stay tuned! 🙂